For others, having a partner can be an immense comfort.
Having a significant other can signal that you have someone to spend quality time with after a long time alone, even if it’s just Netflix and chill on a Friday night. Relationships can also leave you feeling unsettled if you aren’t sure if the individual is right for you. You might be looking for clues that your partner isn’t your soulmate if you’ve recently made it official or if you’ve been in a relationship for a while but aren’t sure about the future.
Okay, but what exactly is a soulmate? Is your soulmate the only person in the universe who has the ability to give you happiness for all eternity? Or is your soul mate just one person – of many – with whom you are meant to be in a lifelong relationship? Whatever your meaning of the phrase, when something isn’t quite right, it can leave you questioning your commitment to the relationship and second-guessing everything.
I talked to various relationship gurus to find out how to tell if your partner isn’t the one. According to San Diego-based sociologist and s*x speaker Jennifer Gunsaullus, PhD, a soulmate is “someone who has the ability to see you through life’s ups and downs.” Together, you both support each other’s broad ideals and gently push each other to become better individuals.” Adorable content, but I agree!
I can help you determine if your significant other is the right person for you, even if you’re still not sure. Experts say there are eight signs that your relationship isn’t your soulmate, so be on the lookout.
01
You don’t want the same things.
Not wanting the same things as your relationship is, according to Gunsaullus speaking to Elite Daily, one of the most obvious signs that your partner is not your soulmate. And no, it’s not that you can’t agree on what to have for dinner – although for me that’s at the top of my priority list – it’s more about having different goals in life.
Whether your goal is to travel the world, go to college, or get married and have children, it can be crucial that your spouse shares your view of what it means to be an adult. Not all of your ambitions need to match theirs; compromise is important. However, if you don’t think your life will eventually balance out, your current significant other may not be your soul mate.
02
It doesn’t matter if it disappears.
According to Bela Gandhi, president of the dating coaching company Smart Dating Academy, it can be a red flag if you don’t miss your husband when you’re apart. Your relationship doesn’t have to be forever if you “feel relief, like a weight has been lifted, [or] enjoy time without them.”
You can’t necessarily assume that the occasional night alone will mean your relationship won’t work out because almost everyone enjoys it. However, if the spark has died down, it might be wise to talk rather than act rashly and end the relationship. Gunsaullus advises, “Have a heart-to-heart and respect their emotions and needs.”
03
You are not your greatest self-representation
Relationship expert and author of Breaking Up & Bouncing Back Samantha Burns says that not being the best version of yourself in a relationship is another red flag. “Negative emotions like jealousy, insecurity, depression, crying, anger or anxiety are strong indicators that you’re not with your soul mate,” she says, adding that your relationship should bring out the best in you.
That being said, your relationship may not be the reason if you feel like you haven’t been acting like yourself lately. Before ending the relationship, try to reflect on your past actions or discuss your feelings with a trusted friend.
04
You have no faith in them
If your crush isn’t the right one, “you may notice that there’s no trust in the relationship,” according to Elite Daily’s interview with Dr. Shannon Chavez, a Professional s*x Therapist and Registered Psychologist. The bond that holds a partnership together is trust. Therefore, it might be time to reassess the relationship if your partner is always acting suspiciously or questioning you.
It can be difficult to overcome the trust issues that some people have from past relationships. Even if your mistrust is based on an illogical reason, discussing it with your partner can help you feel more confident.
05
You are unable to trust them
According to Gandhi, it can be a sign that things aren’t going well if you can’t confide in your partner or share important information with them. When you share something serious with your significant other, do you ever worry that they “will be dismissive or unempathetic”? Or “find yourself telling other friends”? I’m sorry, but it doesn’t have to be your soulmate if it’s a pattern.
Before you end the relationship, remember that not being able to confide in your partner may simply mean that you’re a bit reserved or that you prefer to discuss serious topics with your friends. If so, consider discussing something you’ve been thinking about lately with your significant other.
You never know, they could be quite useful!
06
Giving out more than entering
According to Burns, if you “feel like you’re giving more than you’re getting,” that can be a red flag because healthy relationships go both ways. In a relationship with the individual, “the same balance of effort is invested in the relationship,” the spokesperson continues.
Do you think you put in more effort for your partner than they do? Don’t you always get a nice text in return when you send them one? Tell your partner if you feel uneasy about something, or if it’s bothering you. Perhaps the only thing they are worried about is work or school. Sometimes all it takes to get back on track is communication.
07
They have properties that break deals
Lisa Marie Bobby, founder and clinical director of Growing Self Counseling & Coaching, advises asking yourself if you can live with those who are disrupting a certain relationship when you can’t seem to overcome them. Plus, “if the answer is no, don’t make the mistake of thinking they might change,” she suggests.
Therefore, you may never be able to resolve this if your significant other lives at home with parents or parties too much and you just can’t handle it.
You have to determine what you can handle in a relationship because everyone has different distractions. Is there something your partner does that bothers you, but you think you can overcome it? Letting the little things go sometimes makes sense when everything else is going well.
08
You are considering dating someone else
Dr. Chavez says that if you find yourself “fantasizing about being with someone better suited,” your partner may not be your soulmate. It might be wise to reassess your current situation, whether you have a specific individual in mind or just someone who might be a better fit for you and your #goals in general.
You shouldn’t feel bad about falling in love with someone remotely or spotting a beauty while waiting in line at Trader Joe’s, because of course, it’s perfectly acceptable to feel attracted to other people when you’re in a relationship. However, it could be a sign that your significant other isn’t the one if you find yourself constantly daydreaming about dating someone else.
You don’t have to end your relationship with someone just because they aren’t your soul mate. Just remember that you are the only one who can determine if you are in the right relationship or not. Stay who you are, even if your current relationship isn’t your forever partner. You will eventually find your soulmate.
In relationships, it is essential to understand that not every partnership is destined to be a perfect connection or a lifelong bond. The idea of a soul mate is different for everyone, but the common element is the deep connection and mutual respect that should define such a relationship. If you find yourself questioning whether or not your current partner is truly your soulmate, it’s important to pay attention to the signals that indicate you might not be with the right person. These signs don’t necessarily mean obstacles, but they do offer valuable insight into the health and future of your relationship.
Recognizing when your partner doesn’t share your life goals, or when you’re feeling more drained than fulfilled, is critical to your emotional well-being. It is important to remember that a soulmate should bring out the best in you and not leave you feeling insecure or untrustworthy. If you find yourself constantly doubting your connection or fantasizing about someone else, these feelings may indicate that your relationship lacks the depth and compatibility needed for a lifelong partnership.
However, it is also important not to jump to conclusions. Communicating openly with your partner about your concerns can often resolve doubts and strengthen your bond. Relationships require effort, compromise, and understanding from both sides. If, after honest reflection and conversation, you still feel a disconnect, it may be time to reconsider whether the relationship is really meant to last.
After all, life is too short to settle for a relationship that doesn’t fulfill you. Trust your instincts and remember that finding the right partner isn’t just about love—it’s about finding someone who truly complements your life, supports your dreams, and shares your values. If your current partner isn’t that person, it’s okay to move on. Your true soulmate is out there, and when you find them, the connection will be undeniable.