I wanted so badly to do well.

And he took an interest in me.

That is how it started, with him noticing me, singling me out, making me feel like I was special, like I had been chosen.

He was charming, and he was powerful, and he was decades older than me and a hundred times more sophisticated, and he made an eighteen-year-old girl from a small suburb feel important and seen in a way I had never felt before.

I want to be honest with you about that, because I have spent a lot of time being angry at myself, and I need you to not be angry at me.