And that framing, however well-meant, is its own quiet insult, because it does to Gemma in the telling exactly what my parents did to her in life: it treats her as something acted upon rather than someone acting.

So let me be as clear as I can be.

Gemma was not merely saved.

Gemma was told the truth, the whole difficult truth, and she sat with it, and she wept over it, and then she made a decision about her own life with as much right and as much clarity as any person makes any decision.

She chose to stay married to Gabriel.

She chose to keep the secret to protect the family.