I want to be honest about the vengeance, though, because it would be a lie to pretend I had been above it, and the lie would rob the ending of its truth.

In the beginning, in the ICU and through the surgeries and the physical therapy, I was not clear-minded and serene.

I was consumed by fury.

I wanted Julian to suffer.

I wanted Selina to suffer.

The desire for their destruction was, in those early weeks, the single most powerful force in my life, and I have come to believe it was not a flaw but a necessity, because it was what kept me alive.

A person recovering from what I recovered from needs fuel, needs a reason to endure the pain of healing when it would be easier to give up, and rage is potent fuel; it burns hot and it burns long, and it carried me through months when love and hope could not have.