At 3:17 A.M., Police Told Me My Husband Was Dead—But He Was Sleeping Beside Me

He may have wanted out.

He may have tried to betray Julian.

He may have planned betrayal of his own.

I never met Nicolai knowingly.

Yet he became part of my most intimate memories.

I eventually stopped trying to decide whether he deserved sympathy.

Dead people do not need my verdict.

PART 45 — JULIAN’S LETTER

Years into his sentence, Julian wrote.

I almost returned it.