We agreed to ask before offering advice, to share important changes promptly, and to protect one evening each week for something unrelated to illness.

We also agreed that neither of us would treat asking relatives for help as proof that our family was failing.

The therapist had warned us that a list could not prevent conflict.

She was right.

A week later we argued about a canceled appointment and said things we wished we hadn’t.

But the next morning Callum pointed to the page on the refrigerator and asked whether we could try the conversation again.

We did.