“If I’d told him the truth he’d have phoned you.

And if I’d told you the truth you’d have done it properly.”

“I would have helped you.”

“You’d have made a spreadsheet,” my son said.

“You’d have phoned the school and you’d have found out who to ask and you’d have started a thing at church and we’d have had a bake sale in six weeks and a chair by Easter.

That’s what you do.