And then I would have said yes.

I know that about myself.

I have tested it from every direction for two years, in the way I would test anything, and it holds.

Here is why admitting that was the hardest thing in this entire account.

Because for eighteen months, the thing that kept me upright was a shape in my head where the decision was stolen from me.

Where there was a version of the fourth of March in which I said something different and my son had something else.