Not because of a placenta, which took his life and which I have made a kind of peace with, because a placenta is not a person and you cannot be angry at tissue for very long.

Because a man who loved me, and who was frightened, and who was not sure, made a decision at about seven in the evening on the third of March 2021 that I was not going to be in the room — and then made it again on the fourth, and again in the week after, and again at a first birthday with a bear cake, and again on eleven Sunday afternoons a year for four years.

It was never one decision.

That is the thing I would want anybody reading this to take, if they take one thing and it is not the health care power of attorney.