I said it out loud, in a hospital room, to nobody, and then I pushed the blanket off my legs with the back of my wrist and tried to swing them round towards the edge of the bed.

I want to describe what I was intending to do, because it was not thought out and it is the most human thing in this entire account.

I was going to find him.

That was the whole of the plan.

There was no second half to it.

I was going to get up and get down the corridor and get into a lift and get out of the building and get to wherever he was and stand in front of him and make him look at me, because for ten years whenever anything had gone wrong between us the solution had been proximity, and my body had not yet received the information that proximity was no longer available to me.

Part Thirty-Five: A Hot Wire