And my heart lifted.

It genuinely did.

After hours of needing him, there he stood, and every cell I had wanted to say: you’re here, come and pick her up, look at her.

Then I remembered why he had not been there in the first place, and the whole feeling curdled.

I want to sit in that for a moment, because it is the most useful thing in this account for anybody who finds themselves in a version of it.

Nobody tells you that the leap happens.