Twenty-six consultations, four procedures, three full rounds, and a filing box in the hall cupboard with eleven years of paperwork in it, arranged by date, because somebody has to be the person who arranges it by date and in our house that was always going to be me.

And every single time, at the end of all of it, there was a test.

Part Three: The Bathroom Floor

I can still put myself back on the floor of that bathroom after one more result came back the way they always came back, sitting with my spine against the side of the tub, crying so hard that I had to work at getting any air in at all.

Our bathroom has a small white hexagonal tile that was there when we bought the house and that I had always meant to replace.