He also had a habit of sorting life into categories: sensible and foolish, age-appropriate and childish, necessary and unnecessary.

He said things like, ‘A schedule should teach people how to manage their time,’ and ‘Children grow when adults stop doing everything for them.’ Usually I agreed.

Five-year-olds did need to learn to zip their coats and put away their shoes.

The distinction I missed was between teaching a skill and withdrawing comfort.

When Mabel asked me to stay in her room for one more song, Matthew would say gently, ‘She has to learn to fall asleep without you eventually.’ He didn’t sound cruel.

He sounded practical.