Again.

I would surface from surgery undertaken to hide his condition, and I would reach for his hand, and I would say I was sorry.

He knew I was suffering.

He watched me apologize for a barrenness he could have ended with a single sentence, and he never said the sentence.

And that, I have come to understand, is the true shape of what Adrian was, underneath the charm: a man who would let his wife cut herself open, over and over, and thank him for the privilege, rather than surrender one ounce of his own pride.

A secret you carry for someone’s ego does not stay a kindness.