And in that moment, something I had been refusing to see for years came into focus, all at once, with a terrible clarity.

This had never been about money.

Money was only ever the instrument.

What Richard wanted, what he had always wanted, what every rationed dollar and every demanded permission and every scrutinized purchase had actually been about, was control.

It was not concern for our finances that made him police my spending on the woman who gave me life.

It was that controlling the money was how he controlled me.