Adrian’s coffee mug stayed beside the sink for weeks; I could not bring myself to wash it, because washing it meant washing away the last morning his hands had held it.

Maya’s school jacket hung on its hook by the front door, at the height of a seven-year-old, and every time I passed it I reached out and touched the sleeve.

Rowan’s sneakers sat turned sideways under the bench in the hall, exactly where he’d kicked them off, because he never once in his short life put them away straight, and I could not move them, because to move them was to admit he would not be back to do it wrong again.

That is what grief actually is, in the small hours — not the great dramatic wave, but the coffee mug, the jacket, the sideways shoes.