Most were lists: rent, groceries, Daniel’s shoes, broken faucet, Gabriel’s school fees.

On the first page of one notebook was a calculation in pencil.

She had worked out how to make a chicken feed four people for two days and still send a plate to Gabriel.

It was not a beautiful calculation.

It was a desperate one.

For the first time I saw that she had not been choosing between her children and Gabriel in the simple way I imagined.