Ninety-one recordings across thirty-eight months.

Some are four minutes.

Two are forty.

I did not watch them back.

Not once, in three years.

I recorded them and filed them and I could not stand to look at them, because the only reason to look at a recording of a call with your child is that you are not having another one.

I watched all ninety-one in the following August, over four days, with a psychologist’s agreement and against her better judgement.

Here is what is on them.