The crimson lipstick, for the trash — I want to tell you about that, because it is the detail that says the most about the woman I had lost.

It sounds like vanity, and it was the opposite of vanity.

There was a season of my life when I would put on my best red lipstick to do the most mundane thing imaginable, hauling the bin down to the curb in the dark, and I did it for no one; there was no one to see me.

I did it because it was a small, private declaration that I was a whole person even in the unglamorous middle of an ordinary Tuesday — that I did not become nobody just because the task was nothing.

It was a way of refusing to disappear.