And Jonah — Jonah had already spent six days learning that adults were unreliable and that home was not safe; the last thing he needed was to come back to a screaming match in the kitchen.

Whatever I did that evening, I was going to do it in a way I could explain to all three of them later without shame.

That, I was learning, is what it actually means to be the grown-up in the room: not to win, but to make sure the children come out the other side as whole as you can manage.

When I asked if he wanted to come home that afternoon, he said, carefully, “Can I stay one more night at Grandma Marjorie’s?” — and the fact that he didn’t yet feel safe under his own roof told me everything about the roof.