It was that we were playing two different games and only one of us knew it.

My father was playing the game he had always played and always won — the argument, the contest of wills and volume, the fight you win by making the other person doubt themselves and give up.

And in that game, if I had chosen to play it, he might well have beaten me even then; he was better at it than I would ever be, and I was exhausted and frightened and in pain.

But Declan and Miriam had, between them, quietly moved the whole contest onto different ground.