Lucas admitted he had learned to stop listening once he felt criticized.

His first goal in a disagreement had become ending the discomfort, not understanding the problem.

The counselor gave us an exercise: before answering a complaint, each person had to restate what the other had said in words the other recognized as accurate.

It sounded almost comically simple.

We failed three times that first afternoon.

When we left, Lucas was unusually quiet.

“I didn’t like hearing what I sounded like,” he admitted in the car.