Love, Logged as Debt
Sometimes people try to charge you for it.
But that isn’t real love.
That’s just a bill with a bow on it.”
The Freedom Fund was, I understood as I set it up, my answer to the black notebook — a deliberate one, the mirror image of my father’s ledger.
He had kept a book in which love was recorded as debt, every gift to a child secretly a loan, every dollar a lien.
I would keep a book too.
But in mine, the same money that had once flowed out of me as ransom — the price of a place at a table that never wanted me — would flow instead into a future that no one could ever invoice.
My father’s ledger tallied what his children owed him.
My ledger tallied what I freely gave my child and would never, under any circumstances, ask him to repay.
Same act.