“Exactly.

Learn to take a joke for once, Noelle.” And I want to note the machinery of that moment, because it is the machinery that runs every family like mine.

A man commits a cruelty, in public, deliberately.

And instantly the entire family reorganizes itself not to address his cruelty but to manage my reaction to it — to make the problem in the room not the wine he poured but the scene I might make.

My mother’s concern was the photographs.