Both my hands went to my stomach.

Derek froze.

For one second, some old human part of him surfaced, and he stood there paralyzed, staring at what he had done.

But his mother did not freeze.

Sylvia looked at me on the floor, and looked at the papers on the island, and made her priorities perfectly, permanently clear.

“Get the papers,” she snapped, pointing.

And I want you to understand that I have replayed that moment a thousand times, and it is not the shove that I cannot forgive.

The shove, I could almost — almost — understand as a man losing control.