I had been welcomed into that family the way a new appliance is welcomed into a house: with genuine pleasure at how useful I was going to be.

It did not occur to any of them, and for a long time it did not occur to me, that an appliance might one day decide it was a person, and unplug itself, and walk out the door.

I do not use that image to be cruel to myself, though it sounds cruel.

I use it because it is exact, and because understanding it was the beginning of my freedom.

For the whole of my marriage I had experienced my usefulness to the Sterlings as a form of belonging — I was needed, I was relied upon, I kept their world running, and I told myself that being needed like that was the same as being loved and being part of the family.

It is a very easy confusion to fall into, especially for a woman raised, as most of us are, to find her worth in what she provides.