He never found it.

There isn’t one.

I sat in that courtroom and watched a jury of strangers see, in nineteen days, what it had taken me eight years to see — and I felt, more than vindication, a strange and quiet grief on behalf of my children, who would grow up knowing that the man who fathered them had, at his own trial, been unable to look at them even once.

Not out of shame; Victor did not have the equipment for shame.