That answer was less emotionally satisfying than a promise that I could refuse anything I disliked.

It was also more useful.

I needed a framework that would hold even when one of us was upset.

The first visits were awkward.

There were bags to prepare, timings to confirm, and the strange intimacy of handing information about a baby’s last feed to people who would document the interaction.

I wanted the children comfortable.

I also wanted the record accurate.

It took practice to stop confusing those aims with making every visit look successful.