Because here is what I understand now that I did not understand at twenty-nine, standing in an empty house full of my parents’ faith: the version of a person you meet when you have something they want is a performance, and the performance can last for years.

Damon had been charming to me, and generous in front of company, and warm at my parents’ table, as long as I represented a comfortable life and a useful family and a wife who made him look settled and sound.

That man was real in the way an actor is real.

But he was not the whole truth, and the truth only comes out under pressure, in the moment a person believes the audience has gone home and the stakes have dropped to nothing.

My layoff was that moment.