I only knew that on the biggest, loneliest day of my life, the one person left who shared my blood and my memories was someone I no longer knew how to call.

The anger was unfair, and I knew it was unfair even while I was feeling it, and that is the particular misery of that kind of grief-anger: you cannot reason your way out of it, because it was never built out of reasons.

Ethan had a duty.

He was under contract; he could not simply walk away from a deployment because his family fell apart, any more than a surgeon can leave a table mid-operation.

I understood all of that with the top part of my mind.