He was not going to be used by me, even in the name of my own righteous anger.

I have thought a great deal, since, about that instinct, because it turned out to be the single most important decision I made in the entire ordeal, and it was made in a closet in the space of about ten seconds, before my conscious mind had caught up.

There is a version of that afternoon — a very understandable version, one no one would have blamed me for — in which I knelt down and pulled the whole story out of my son.

Where did they stand?