Only one of them actually helps the child.

I have watched other parents, in situations like mine, pour years of their lives into the first path — into the courtroom fights that never end, the grievance nursed and re-nursed, the consuming project of the other person’s ruin — and I have watched their children grow up in the shadow of that obsession, raised by a parent whose real attention was always somewhere else, aimed backward at an enemy.

I did not want that for Lily and Leo.

My children had already spent one afternoon being less important to a parent than something else.