It was rebuilding a life from the ground up.

I moved to a new city, because for months my heart raced whenever a black SUV pulled up outside my window.

I rebuilt my consulting business from nothing, and I went to therapy twice a week, and I slowly, unevenly, relearned how to sleep through the night.

And I made peace with a truth that took a long time to accept: that there would never be an explanation that made what they did understandable.

They had not attacked me because they lost control.