For about four months I could not come through that door without the whole of it, and then one evening in about the April I came in with a bag of groceries and got all the way to the kitchen and realised I had not thought about it, and I stood in the kitchen and did not know whether that was a betrayal or the point.

Dr.

Ferraro says it is the point.

I have taken that on trust rather than believed it.

What I have instead is a thing I do, which is small and which nobody has ever seen me do and which I am going to write down and then stop.

When I come in, I look at the floor.

Every time.

Four years.