I thought about that carefully.

“I miss the person I believed was on my side,” I said.

“And I miss the version of myself who never questioned whether her choices were hers.”

He nodded, tears gathering in his eyes.

The counselor asked whether forgiveness and reconciliation meant the same thing to me.

“No,” I answered.

“I can hope Colton changes and still decide I can’t rebuild this marriage.”

A week later, we sat at my kitchen table with tea.