A punishment is aimed at the other person; a boundary is aimed at your own protection, and it does not require the other person to be evil to be valid.

Ansel had earned my respect back, some of it.

He had not, and could not, earn back a thing I no longer had to give: the ability to sleep beside him without one part of me always awake, watching.

Keeping myself out of that exhausting vigil for the rest of my life was not revenge.

It was survival.

Once I understood that, the guilt let go of me, and it never really came back.