We met now and then for coffee, sometimes with friends present.

He could still be abrupt.

I could still become defensive when he made suggestions that sounded too much like instructions.

When that happened, we said so and started again.

At the café, we hired a young woman named Tessa who had left a workplace where she was repeatedly told to ignore customers with medical difficulties because it disrupted service.

On her first day, I showed her the emergency checklist.

“If you think someone is in immediate danger,” I told her, “you call for help.