Not as punishment, but because you and I need to rebuild something before we share a bed again, and that rebuilding starts with you learning what this house actually requires.

You take the six o’clock to ten o’clock shift, every single night, after work.

During those hours, the girls are yours.

You will learn how to wash bottles, and sterilize equipment, and prep formula to the correct temperature, and soothe two crying infants at the same time, which I promise you is harder than anything in your workday.

You will do your own laundry, because I am no longer anyone’s laundry service.

And you will contribute fifty percent of the cost of all hired help, out of your personal discretionary allowance, the money you currently spend on fishing trips and the like.