I want to say one last thing about how it actually worked, the change in Julian, because I think it matters, and because it is the opposite of the story we are usually told about how people become better.

We are told that change comes from the heart, that a person must first feel differently, must have an epiphany, must be moved, and that then, transformed inwardly, they will behave differently.

And I waited years, in small ways, for Julian to have that epiphany, to simply understand, out of love, what I was carrying and to want to help.

It never came, and I have come to believe it never would have, because you cannot feel your way into understanding a labor you have never performed.