I did not spend one dollar looking for Evelyn Tarrant.

And the reason is not that I did not love her.

I loved her.

That is established between us and she has never once disputed it and it makes it worse rather than better.

The reason is that on about day nine I had a thought that I have never said out loud to anybody except Dr.

Traub, and it was:

If I find her and she meant it, I will have to hear her say it.