Months later she sent me an email that began, I was cruel because I thought being chosen mattered more than being decent.

I read it several times before writing back.

I appreciate you saying this.

I’m not ready to be close.

I hope you keep choosing differently.

I was proud of that reply because it was not revenge and not surrender.

I no longer needed to turn everyone into either a villain or a friend.

Some people could remain at a distance while they figured out their own lives.