I have a folder.

I keep a folder — an actual one, in a drawer — with every decision I made about their father written down with the date and the reason, at the time, before I knew how it turned out.

There are thirty-one pages in it.

Dr.

Halloran suggested it in the first year and I thought it was morbid and it is the second most useful thing anybody told me to do.

Because I am not going to be able to reconstruct my reasons in 2038.