That matters and it is the part I have the hardest time telling, because it is three days long and it is the part where I was wrong about everything.

Julian told me to leave on the Monday evening.

On the Monday night we stayed with my friend Bridget in Norwalk, on a pull-out, and it was fine, and she was wonderful, and at about eleven the next morning she said a sentence about her mother-in-law coming on Friday, which was probably true.

On Tuesday and Wednesday we were at my cousin Danae’s in Bridgeport, in a one-bedroom, and Leo slept on two cushions on the floor and Nora slept with me, and on the Wednesday night Danae’s boyfriend came home and stood in the kitchen doorway and did not say anything at all, and did not have to.

I want to describe what those three days actually consisted of, because people imagine grief and it was not grief.