“Yes.”

“I don’t hate her.”

I did not say anything.

“I’ve tried.

Odie hates her and it’s clean and it makes sense and I’ve watched her do it for fifteen years and I’ve never been able to get there.

Bea can’t even talk about her.

And I just — I’ve got eleven memories and none of them are bad and I was nine, and mostly what I feel is nothing, and some of the time what I feel is curious, and about twice a year what I feel is sad in a way I can’t put anywhere.

“And I’ve never said that out loud in this family because it would be a betrayal.