At night I sometimes lay awake calculating groceries, childcare, and rent, just as I had during pregnancy.

The numbers were better now, but safety still required attention.

I began keeping two notebooks.

The first contained the practical things: appointments, expenses, the amount of formula or food we needed, the names of people who could help in an emergency.

The second held memories.

Owen laughing when Dana sneezed.

The first time Helen sang him to sleep.

The day he waved at a dog and seemed astonished when the dog ignored him.