It was given, most of the time.

It was given after a conversation.

That is the whole of it.

There was always a conversation, and the conversation was about my judgement, and it was never loud, and after nineteen years of it I had recalibrated my entire sense of what was worth having a conversation about.

A hundred and ten dollar pair of shoes was worth it.

A hundred and ten dollar pair of shoes in September and then another pair in February was not.