“And the thing I need you to understand, Mom, is that I didn’t pick it.

I want to be able to tell you that I decided.

I sat in a car for forty minutes and the three of them just took turns, and then at half past eight my body got out of the car and walked in, and the one I had in my hand when I got to the door was the third one.”

He had been rehearsing the third one, on and off, in his head, for about five weeks.