Discipline was the quiet refusal of that scream, the choice to slow down, to gather, to arrive as no one, to protect the investigation from my own understandable urge to do something right now.

I mention this because I think people imagine that the ability to handle a crisis like mine is a matter of talent, of being born the kind of person who stays cool.

It is not.

It is a matter of practiced discipline, of having trained yourself, over years of smaller moments, to choose the careful path over the satisfying one.

I was not born calm in a crisis.