And I could also feel, underneath it, the shape of the woman I had spent three months rebuilding in his absence, and I was not going to knock her back down to make him feel better.

“There’s a chance,” I said, “that you become a wonderful father to all five of our children.

That’s the thing I want most in the world, and I’ll help you do it.” His face lifted, then hesitated.

“And for us?” “I don’t know,” I said.

“And I’m not going to promise you something just to take the guilt off your shoulders.

I did that for nine years.