Because I could not disprove it.

Nobody can disprove it.

And I spent two years auditing my own interior life for a subconscious refusal, which is a thing a woman can do to herself for a very long time.

There is one afternoon from that period I have never been able to file.

It was September 2023, five weeks after the third transfer failed.

We were in the kitchen.

He had been on a call and had come off it, and he stood at the counter for a while, and then he said: